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Your Children, your Divorce Process and how Mediation can help you

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Your children are the innocent victims of your divorce.  They usually become the center of battles over child custody, child support, and visitation.  Worst of all, the lines for them get drawn between the two people they love the most - Mom and Dad.

Divorce affects a child in ways that parents don't take in consideration.  They face losing the only lifestyle that they've ever known and the “world” that made them safe and confident.  Their lives change dramatically into week-end visits with Dad or Mom, living with a stressed out parent, and having reduced resources for everything they used to do and enjoy. You can't change this fact, but you can give your children unconditional love and support to help ease their adjustments. Most of all they have to be positively sure that they have not been abandoned.

There are many ways of abandonment. It is not always about not seeing your kids anymore. Failing to pay child support is a way of abandonment that has a big impact on kid’s self esteem and something that most of the times even though a form of manipulation ultimately intended  to somehow punish the other spouse, ends punishing the children, who as I said before are totally innocent,  besides feeling lost and scared.

Because each child reacts differently to divorce, you may sometimes question your abilities as a parent. This can be especially true if your ex suddenly finds fault with everything you do concerning the kids.  This is usually a power-play, but it can weaken your self-confidence as a mom or dad.  Don't take it personally.  Talking to other mothers or fathers can help you regain your bearing, plus give you different ways to deal with the inevitable stress of raising kids.

Raising children is tough to begin with, but divorce adds a whole new set of rules, burdens and emotional rollercoaster to your job.  Beyond dealing with your and their emotions, you will also need to handle all the legalities concerning them and their well being.  A well thought out parenting plan can help you minimize the trauma that they will face.  Take into consideration the following questions as you prepare your divorce.  What will the custody arrangements be? How often will they visit their father/mother? How much child support will you get, and what happens if your ex doesn’t pay?

But most importantly, how can you be there emotionally for your kids, to help them accept and adjust to their new life.  When you're at the end of your rope, realize that you are tougher than you think, and ultimately that you and your children will survive.

Divorce mediation is not counseling or therapy. Rather, it is a process whereby an impartial third-party (the mediator) helps the divorcing couple to reach an agreement. Divorce mediation can be time-consuming and hard work. However, under the guidance of Without Litigation’s professional mediators it can also be very effective. Dr Vera and Dr. Picchiello Ventiera are certified by the Florida Supreme Court as a mediator in the area of family law and divorce.

Divorce cases that are not resolved quickly go to the next step of mediation in an effort to prevent a trial before a Florida family court judge.

The mediator does not represent either party. Instead, the mediator is an independent person who helps both parties to reach an agreement. Most of the times parents understand that they are not as far apart as they think they are, mainly when it comes to their children

The mediator helps both parties through anger and emotions and gets to the key issues in order to assist the spouses in coming to an agreement that is satisfactory to both.

Mediation may be used to solve all of the issues in a divorce, including property division, child custody, child support, and spousal support, or it may be used to solve a single issue. No issue is too small or too big for mediation that will enable you to speak rationally spouse and create workable and fair solutions.  Successful results are achieved even when couples are very angry. It is suggested that you call even if your spouse is currently not interested in mediation, as we can help overcome that problem.

Each side may be represented by an attorney during the mediation sessions, or the two sides may not have attorneys and may be handling their own divorce on a pro se basis

We, at Without Litigation act as third-party mediators helping two parties without lawyers reach a pro se divorce settlement, or as a third-party mediator helping two parties who are each represented by lawyers as well

When it comes to making decisions regarding your children, mediation gives the best results. After all who knows your children better than you and their other parent? You both gave them life, your love them and you raised them to the best of your abilities and knowledge on parenting. No judge can make a better decision in regards to your kids.

Mediation gives you the opportunity to decide and plan your children’s future

Think how important is the role of your soon to be “ex” on your children’s life. Think for a moment what a big impact the other parent will surely have on your children love life and own families in the future.  Think how important is for your kids to know that you both are in agreement when it comes to them. It is a sort of remainder of the “together” family they once had and giving them the sense of support and safety they need to grow into adulthood.

There is not better solution on children’s matters than the one given by an agreement reached by the two parents. A professional family mediator can help you reach such agreement, sparing your children a prolonged emotional crisis that can even impede or difficult their learning processes at school.

 

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